Hard Changes

Soooo.
I've bought my Christmas gifts for the year.
Got my cookies planned and the ingredients gathered.

But, the two in-law females are planning the family gathering without any of the family the gathering is for.
My son is unhappy--the idea is sexist, "only women can plan Christmas?"
My daughter doesn't care, she has her own concerns and always disagrees with her brother.
My sister probably doesn't know they are planning it, no communication with either of the two--it's how she ended up at the wrong thanksgiving dinner.
And I adamantly don't want to participate.
My son wants me two because kids are only little once.
My daughter thinks I'm annoying.
My niece-in-law don't speak and that is for the best.

So, why don't I want to go?
I had to think hard about that.
All I came up with was that it wasn't right.

I want to wake up 7, not at 7am, but 7 years old, and get out of my bunkbed, run into the living room where the slightly spindly real tree bought from the Safeway parking lot was twinkling all alone in front of the picture window would now be glowing and beneath would be millions of brightly wrapped packages and at least one toy from my Santa list that was not wrapped--Santa never wraps.  I want to wake my sister and watch her fly under the tree to look, then we would jump on the bed and wake up parents to go do gifts.

Sometimes we had to wait a minute  but even teeth and faces were not mandatory before the camera came out and the gift opening began.

We had Christmas with mom's family in Kansas, but usually not on Christmas.  Occasionally we would head to a relatives for a second Christmas in the afternoon, but usually that was the weekend before or after.

OR?!?!?

I want to tuck in my own babies, then open gifts with them when they woke up.  Then my family and my sisters family would head to my parents and we would all have our own little gift opening session---not as great as at age 7, but not something I would want to avoid.

BUT?!?!?  There is no part of my heart that is dying to go to someone else's house and watch kids open gifts in a maddeningly over-the-top display of greed and disinterest.  I love my kids.  I love my grandkids.  But old pictures of our little trees from yesteryear never really reached the ceiling, there were never thousands of dollars worth of toys that don't even do anything.  These days, there really are thousands of dollars worth of gifts and the kids are bored by them.

I'm may blame my mother and that pair of Air Jordans for a 7 year old with growing feet.

Or I may  just blame time.

You really can't go home again.