In my own company

I've spent a lot of time in my own company lately.
It's the nature of retirement for the single in their own home, I guess.
I've experienced great moments of "ah-ha", especially this week.

While listening to a radio program while driving home, I heard something that made me think how lucky I was to be hearing that program.
The gestalt was not what they said, but rather the fact that I was fully engaged in listening, that I was emotionally involved with the story.

Having heard a million complaints about kids watching tv, and people on their phones and how we all need to interact more with people in person and spend more time in nature, not involved in other peoples stories on paper or in media,  my moment of truth was in the fact that a radio program had involved me more than the last 10 family holidays.

So, while I'm not recommending that people spend all their time playing solitaire on the computer or doing crossword puzzles that are easy, I am also NOT going to crap on those out their that are hearing beautiful music or looking at beautiful art, reading great stories or staring out windows daydreaming while NOT interacting in person with other people.

The quality of our lives is not about how many people we have shallow and trite conversations with.  It is not about being seen.  It is about our own internal landscape.

The first question everyone asks me....

"So, how do you like retirement?"

I answer "fine", and they answer "good".

But, retirement is a bit of a mixed bag.

I love that I have used an alarm clock 2 times in the last 3 months. (reality is I never used one before, but only because I was always awake by 0530.  If I woke up at 0530 now, I'd have some very long and boring days)
My house is cleaner.
My yard was mowed more often this August and September.  I am boycotting mowing in October--it seems morally wrong although the grass is starting to look a little shaggy.
I've cooked more...and cooked more desserts---crockpot tapioca is amazingly easy and tasty.  My jeans are not going to thank me unless I stay active.
I've spent 3 days putting old paneling on the walls of an old storage building and then spent another 3 days moving stuff out of the garage into the storage building----somehow I still have about 2 weeks work left on the garage.
I've painted 3 buffalo sketches and almost finished a giant buffalo painting.
I've painted 1 crow painting and started 2 more.
I've made the pages of a calendar to have printed up--might turn into next year's calendar as there have been some family glitches.
I've cleaned on flowerbeds, "on" because they still look like crap, I'm not fond of digging in mud and it has been both overcast, wet, mosquito-y (I'm on my sixth can of OFF).  I remember, as a kid, my sister and I cleaning a room, and hearing that it looks like we "cleaned at it".  That is the kind of "on"  I am referring to.
I've poured 3 skulls--a giant mold that likes to cause me to dump slip all over the place. I'm fairly sure I need to make some mold pouring racks or tools or something.

And through all that, every day, a part of my brain thinks---this is the end, this is your last part of life, this is you riding off into the sunset.
A headhunter contacts me and I don't respond--I'm retired.
I see a travel coupon and throw it out, I know how much money I have and how long it needs to last---potentially.
Someone tries to sell me a car---but I probably have my last car right now.
I go to a furniture store and wonder why I would ever need new furniture.

BUT!!!!
I am not depressed.
I am not even sad.
If working in a Chemical Dependency Unit taught me anything, it is that "one day at a time" is good for us all.

They also taught me that "fine" was an acronym.

The sun has come out, time to work on the garage.

how time flies!

I have heard that the reason that time flies is that we don't break up the routine enough.  That we keep doing the same day over and over and the memories of that are less than memorable.
I am trying not to develop a routine, and that can be hard.

I am now in front of the computer eating breakfast.
It is likely that on every day off for the last 20 years, I have taken my breakfast downstairs and eaten while on the computer.

That may constitute a routine.

I don't have many others.

I don't do the same thing everyday after my breakfast.

I don't do the same things every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, or every Saturday or even every Sunday.

But, time is still flying.

Maybe it has to do with the lack of BIG differences.
Maybe it has to do with the amount of time I spend on solitary work/hobbies/projects.
Maybe time really does fly.